Ballet Slippers - Chapter 43

Ed’s Point of View

“M-Mom… Dad…?”

Suddenly they all turned to look at me. My mother looked distraught, and my father… well, he had that look on his face that he always does.

One thing you should know about Ella and my parents is well… They’re your typical snobby rich American folk. My mum was born in England where she married my real father; we don’t speak to him though because he was an alcoholic and shit got messed up. My stepfather – Ella’s real father – raised me as his own. Now he didn’t have any anger issues or anything there was just an insane amount of pressure in our house growing up, and that’s the reason I moved out as early as I could to be honest. When I hit 18 I was up and out of the house pursuing my music; unfortunately Ella stayed behind and well… it was about to take a toll on her. I had been a shit brother to be honest; this was the most Ella and I had spoken in the past two years. But I loved my sister; we were so close as children and then when I moved out everything changed. She wasn’t really allowed to speak to me according to our parents they didn’t want her turning into me or some garbage like that. I was happy Ella was back in my life, but it didn’t mean our parents would be happy.

“Hi honey,” my mom said surprisingly, “what are you doing here?”

“I should be asking you that…”

She ignored my remark and began to fix the collar of my shirt like she always does; she turned to Taylor and smiled softly, “Hello Taylor, I’m Marianne.”

Taylor nervously outstretched her hand, “H-Hello,” she smiled. Taylor had never met my parents because I had been living with her in LA for the entirety of my relationship; but she had seen pictures, as did they of her. My father was still talking to the doctor so my mother was obviously trying to distract us from the problem at hand… like she always does.

“How has your trip been? Still planning on touring in the New Year?” She asked looking at me with some sort of fake concern.

“Um yep,” I said, “do we know what’s wrong with Ella yet?” I asked even though I already knew. I was sort of testing her to be honest…

“Oh well, she um missed her competition. So I guess that me-,”

“That’s what you’re worried about?” I asked frowning at her.

“W-Well I mean-,”

“Mom! Ella just got dropped and abused by the dance teacher that did this years ago to her; she suffered a concussion and severe bruising to her trachea. And you’re worried about the competition?

“It’s not like that,” she sighed.

“Why are you even here?” I asked letting out a huff. Taylor squeezed my arm obviously encouraging me not to be so lippy with my mother. But this was sort of how it was like now; since I’d moved out they kept trying to control me, to control the situation and most of all they thought they had the key to the ignition of Ella’s life. I was sick of it.

“Ed maybe we should um, go inside?” Taylor asked.

I looked over at her pleading eyes; she didn’t want to start a fight when we hadn’t even seen my sister yet.

I sighed and looked at my mother one more time, I didn’t even feel like speaking with my father, so Taylor took my hand and lead me into the room Ella was in. I was surprised and relieved to see Harry with her; they were having a conversation that we obviously interrupted, but I think she would understand considering I was warning her about our parents.

“Ells?” I asked walking inside.

She turned her head from Harry to look at me; she smiled faintly and pointed to her throat signaling that she couldn’t speak. I smiled kind of because she gave me and Taylor an adorable wave that she used when we were younger. It reminded me of how close we used to be. I walked over and sat down on the other chair beside her. I said a hello to Harry before sighing and looking over at her.

Harry was watching her try to communicate something; when he understood what she meant he nodded and tuned to me, “who is outside?”

I grabbed t my hair a little bit then turned to her, “Um… Mom and Dad are here…”

Her eyes immediately widened, and the tension was so thick I could practically hear Harry’s heart stop.

“M-Mom and Dad?” she squeaked.

“Ella baby,” Harry warned. It was obvious that she wasn’t supposed to talk but I couldn’t help but grin at Harry’s protectiveness.

She of course didn’t listen; she rasped again, “Why are they here?”

“Ella!” Harry said again reaching out to put his hand on the small of her back.

“I just want to-,”

“Let me,” he said smiling at her. Then he turned to me, “why are they here?”

“To be honest,” I sighed looking at Taylor’s expression beside me and then I turned back to Harry, “I’m not entirely sure. But they know she missed the competition.”

Ella’s face dropped. It was obvious she knew what I was thinking.

“Okay so they know about that… what’s the problem?” Harry asked giving all of us glances.

Ella and I looked at each other not saying anything.

“What was that?” Taylor asked.

“What?” I said trying to avoid it.

“That look you two just shared,” she grinned slightly, “what’s going on?”

“I um…” I said mumbling a little.

No one said anything they just waited. But of course, Ella interjected.

“Mom and -,”

“Ella seriously!” Harry said louder and almost laughing; he clamped a hand over her mouth, “stop talking serious you’re going to hurt yourself!”

She grinned kind of into his hand and kissed it or something. It was cute but my attention turned back to Taylor.

“Mom and dad can be a little judgmental when it comes to things like this,” was all I said.

“Judgmental?” Taylor asked.

“Yeah… um awards and stuff are very important to them.”

“Well they’re important to everyone but I-,”

“No,” I sighed, “it’s different.”

Harry and Taylor both sat with confusing looks on their face; I didn’t want to explain it and when they were about to press there was a knock at the door.

I looked over at Ella and she was frightened; she was looking down and playing with Harry’s fingers in her lap.

“Els?” I asked.

She turned to me.

“Do you want me to let them in here?”

She thought for a minute; I saw her eyes start to close in a way that she was afraid. Harry leaned over and he was whispering something into her ear. She leaned into him and it comforted me to know that he made her feel better.

When she pulled away from him she nodded hesitantly; I sighed and walked over to the door opening it.

“Ella,” her father breathed walking in. I call him her father because well… there’s a story there that I don’t want to get into right now. He pushed right past me and walked to her bedside, “what on earth happened?”

Mom patted my shoulder and walked in as well, “Henry she can’t speak.”

“Oh stuff it I’m sure she can speak,” he said heavily looking back at her, “Ella what happened? The doctors told me what’s wrong but I want to know exactly what happened.”

“Relax Henry,” my mom said patting his shoulder. She turned to Ella and smiled slightly, “Hi honey.”

Ella forced a smile too, holding tighter onto Harry’s hand.

I walked over to Taylor and wrapped my arm around her waist; she leaned into me and kissed my cheek whispering, “It’ll be okay.”

I nodded and held her tighter to me.

“How are you feeling Ella?” Mom asked.

Ella shrugged and turned to Harry, silently asking him to speak for her.

“She um,” he cleared his throat, “she will be released later tonight after they are finished the tests.”

My mom kept her fake smile on and turned to him, “I’m sorry I don’t think we’ve met… I’m Marianne,” she smiled reaching out her hand.

Harry nervously shook it, “I’m um, Harry Styles…”

“I like your accent… Cheshire? I presume?”

Harry smiled softly at my mother, “Yes ma’am.”

“Very nice; I lived there for a few years after we left London. Before moving to America of course.”

“That’s nice,” Harry said gently. It was obvious he was nervous. Then he turned to my dad, “Harry, sir.”

“Henry,” Ella’s father said reaching out and shaking Harry’s hand, “How do you two know each other?” He asked referring to Ella and Harry’s hands that were locked together.

“Oh um, Harry’s my friend d-dad,” the word was bitter on my tongue, “don’t you remember? We met when we were ‘round fifteen?”

“Ah yes, the little boy from Cheshire. I remember you; you came to visit in America a few times if I’m correct?”

“Um yes, on tour. That’s where Ed and I met.”

“Right; you’re in a band,” Henry said sort of disapprovingly.

Harry just nodded.

“A-Actually mo-,” Ella began to speak but I looked at her with a warning to stay quiet.

“And where is Jack?” Henry said turning his attention back to Ella. That’s when I remembered that they hadn’t spoken to her in almost 10 months so they knew nothing.

“He’s um, not here,” I began.

“Probably couldn’t leave his job right?” My mom asked; now the difference was that she deep down actually cared. However Henry was grinning.

“He’s an important man; doesn’t have time to fly all the way to London to make sure your little fall was okay.”

He has time to come and take money from blackmail from her though.

“Little fall?” I asked getting defensive. Taylor’s grip on me tightened but I didn’t back down, “little fall?”

“Well that’s what it was right?”

“She got a concussion actually; she has bruising on her trachea to the point where she isn’t supposed to speak and it all came from someone abusing her… you think that was little?” I asked moving forwards.

“Oh please don’t be so melodramatic Edward,” Henry scoffed.

“Sir to be fair you weren’t there; this was a serious event and it was purposely flourished upon your daughter,” Harry said stepping in for me. I had to admire the guy; he didn’t even know Henry but here he was defending Ella.

“I don’t actually recall asking you,” Henry said in his snotty tone, thankfully it didn’t affect Harry. But what happened next might have. “I have to ask, what is your business being here? You know she’s married right?”

“Of course I do,” Harry said bravely.

“Then why do you have a grip on her hand in an affectionate way that may or may not mean something? I don’t think that’s appropriate at all.”

“If you don’t mind sir, I’m not sure that’s any of your business.”

“Oh isn’t it? And why would you say that?”

“This is the most you two have spoken to Ella in almost a year that’s why,” I stepped in.

“Well, I’m sorry but I will have to notify Jack,” that bastard kept talking.

“Henry we aren’t even sure this means anything,” My mother smiled softly trying to remain calm.

“Jack and I are getting a divorce,” Ella raspy spoke. This time Harry didn’t correct her. We all looked over at her.

“A…A what?” My mother asked putting her hand near her heart.

“A divorce,” Harry repeated so Ella wouldn’t have to say anything.

“Why? That’s a little rash isn’t it?” Henry said harshly.

“To be fair you haven’t been around for a long time; you have no idea what’s going on in my life,” Ella rasped again; this time clinging to her throat in pain. Harry immediately went to trying to comfort her.

“Why do you need a divorce? He was a fine husband; high educated job, money, security… and you’re settling for some… some boyband member? Some musician who will be washed up in five years?” Henry said raising his hand. My mother went to protest but he stopped her.

“Harry is one of the most talented people I’ve ever met; his band is number one in almost every country and they-,” Ella tried before coughing harshly.

“Ella hey, don’t speak okay? You don’t have to do this for me it’s alright,” he said handing her some water and looking at her concerned. It made me furious that Henry thought he could speak to him like that.

“No but I do,” I said putting my hand on Harry’s shoulder, and holding Taylor’s tightly in my other one to keep me calm.

“Harry and his band are part of my career too; we write and perform together and there is nothing more important than that. Both of us combined make more money than Jack ever would, and we are doing something we love. So I would appreciate it if you got the fuck out of here and waited for Ella to call you when she feels up to it; because right now you’re upsetting her and I won’t stand for it!”

Taylor squeezed my hand so tight it hurt, but I didn’t care.

“E-Ed!” My mother said, ashtonished of my language.

“Listen to me mom,” I said looking at her, “you don’t want to argue this right now.”

Our parents exchanged glances before Henry sighed, “Ella we will be calling you in the morning. Don’t you even think about ignoring it.”

Before anything else was said, they walked out.


Yikes filler chapter I know, but it’s going to get intense soon.

Soooo awkward I have decided I’m not going to update this story again unless it gets 5 or more notes… I just think with so many readers that there should be notes asking for more and I’ll be honest it makes me feel like I’m not doing anything right for anyone when I get no feedback. Writing is for me, and its supposed to make me feel good. But this story is a hard one and I get writer’s block a lot because I don’t think about it as often as I used to. Anyways, I hope that’s okay with everyone and I love you all who stand by me and my writing and so forth.

Hope to get some feedback soon, and also if anyone just wants to chat I’m here for that too. I promise I don’t bite.xxxx

lightsoutinlondon again bc i can’t

lightsoutinlondon again bc i can’t

fucking fuckiddy fuck fuck

fucking fuckiddy fuck fuck





Some of the best gifs of Harry Styles in 2013



Harry is in LA

here we go again……

what what the fuck why

Cold Coffee - Chapter 77 (Hours To Our Fate)

**written by taylormichele1622**

Harry’s POV

I feel bad about how I left things with Cali… and I think she could tell there was unfinished business between us.  I don’t know if it because I felt guilty or what not, but I just wasn’t ready to deal with the whole situation when she left.  The whole idea of she and Luke hit me like a ton of bricks.  And the fact that she was keeping it a secret didn’t help. I mean its Luke, he is one of my closest friends. I know that Cali had been with other people before me and I couldn’t exactly complain about that because she was no were near my first.  But there was something about the fact that one of those people was Luke that sort of just stuck with me.  I couldn’t let it go.  And it was eating away at me.  I don’t think I meant it when I said that I wouldn’t have been with her had I known before.  Now that we have been together for this long I think that she and I were inevitable, we are soul mates.  Even if we do drive each other insane at times.  I have to figure all of this mess out though; I can’t keep being this grouchy asshole that treats people like shit because I feel like a piece of shit. 
About two weeks into the tour, I walked into the food area they had set up for us backstage.  I knew everyone would be there and I figured if I was going to work on my asshole demeanor I would have to snap out of this and just work on being nice.  I hate that I have to work on being nice, I mean I am a nice guy.  I know it.  I just hate the fact that I get so affected by things.  You would think being in this business I would have a tougher skin.  But when it comes to people I love and care about, I can’t help but love and care too much.  I am that guy.  I love hard. 

I walked in and I saw the 5SOS guys talking with Liam.  Everyone else was off in other places I guess.  But I walked over and sat next to Ashton.  He smiled at me and I smiled back. 

“How’s it going my brother from another mother?”  He asked nudging me with his shoulder.  He always found it funny that people thought we looked like we could be related.  I get it though.  I smiled a bit wider at him. 
“How’s it going Styles?”  Callum asked from across the table.
“I’m good,” I shrugged, “Just figured I’d see what you guys were up to.”
“Just talking about the show tonight.  Bored as usual.”  Michael said.  I looked over at Luke and he was smiling softly.  I mean I couldn’t hate him, I couldn’t hate Cali either. They had their thing…Whatever it was before I even looked at Cali as anything more than Niall’s little sister.  And she said herself that she never felt for him or anyone the way she did for me.  Honestly now I’m starting to feel a little bad for the guy. 

“How’s Franki?”  I asked Liam. We had been back on tour for two weeks but I had been sort of a loner since we got back together.  I’m sure he had gushed all about his time with Franki to all the other guys.  I figured I’d let him spill to me as well.  I felt the table vibrate and I instinctively looked at the phone sitting across from me.  Luke’s phone.  And then I saw the name come across.  CALISTA.  My girlfriend.  The one I hadn’t talked to in a few days… So she could message him but not me? That is sort of bullshit  I mean if she needed to talk she should talk to me.  And here I am feeling like an asshole, and she is still talking to him? She knows how I am feeling…or at least she should.  Liam was still rambling on about his and Franki’s amazing holiday but now all I could do was keep glancing from Liam to Luke’s phone.  I wanted to yell and ask why he thought it was ok.  But she had messaged him.  I mean I don’t know if he had messaged her before that but honestly I didn’t care.  It was obvious my feelings didn’t mean shit to her right now.  I waited until Liam had stopped talking to decide to leave. I figured a few smiles and a laugh when the other guys did would suffice.  But really all I wanted to do was get to my phone that was in the dressing room to call Cali and figure out why the hell she would message him and not call me. 
“I’m gonna head back to the dressing room.”  I said standing up.  I could tell they thought I was being weird but at this point I really didn’t care.  I was severely annoyed and I needed to hash this out with Cali. But when I reached the dressing room I decided against it.

I waited a few days before I called her.  I hoped a cool down period would help but honestly I just got more and more mad every day I didn’t hear from her.  I don’t think she is cheating.  I mean I hope she isn’t.  But it sort of killed me a bit that she was talking to him and completely ignoring me.  I finally decided to give her a call. 

“Hello?”  She said.  It felt like ages since I heard her voice but honestly it hurt me a lot. 
“Hi.”  I said plainly.  I didn’t want to put on that everything was fine.  Nothing was fine.  I was angry and tired of her just not taking my feeling into consideration. 
“Hey… how are you?”
“Fine.” I said a little annoyed.  I mean she had to know I would know right?
“Oh… what are you doing?”
 “Nothing and yourself?”  I asked offering her an out.  I mean she needed to be honest with me.  She promised she would be.  I prayed she would be.  I can’t deal with the insecurities and secrets anymore. 
“I’m just at home.  Lucy is here.”
“Oh?”  I asked wondering if she was going to say it. 
“Yeah, she had an issue today, it was actually really scary I-,”  She wasn’t going to say it.  I could feel myself becoming enraged. 
“You know speaking of friends, I heard you and Luke were talking.”  I spat out.
“Luke, you know your friend Luke, our friend Luke. I heard you guys talked earlier this week.” She was quiet for a second before she answered. 
“Mhm, really? And how did you hear that?” She was defensive.  I could tell by her tone.  And that pissed me off. 
“We were all hanging out, and his phone lit up with your name and a text message. So yes, I know about it - don’t ask like I was snooping or whatever.”
“I didn’t ask.  You know, I knew you weren’t over this.”
“Well I didn’t realize you two were that close.”  I pointed out.  I never recalled her chatting with him before.  I mean granted I didn’t know about this secret relationship they had had before us but still.  I had never seen them talk on the phone before or text.  Why now?  When she knew it would bother me.
“Yeah well you don’t realize a lot of things do you
 “It’s bullshit Cali, you can message him all week yet I haven’t heard from you in days.”
“You know I haven’t heard from you either,” I said getting offended, “you’re not making an effort here either.”
“Please don’t try to make this all my fault.”  Why does she always have to wait for my calls?  It’s not just my responsibility to call her.  And obviously she was good for a chat with Luke.  So why couldn’t she call me. 
“I didn’t say that Harry oh my God, what the hell has gotten into you?”
“Nothing has gotten into me,”  I lied.  I should have told her I missed her like mad and my heart hurt without her.  I should have told her that I was just jealous because of the Luke thing but that I knew she loved me just as much as I loved her.  But I didn’t.  I was weak I guess. 
“Yes it has! You’ve been acting weird since that night we fought in Australia.”
“Well why don’t you tell your little ex-boyfriend about it?” 

It slipped out of my mouth before I even finished the thought.  I knew as soon as I said it she was going to lose it.  She would hate that.

“Excuse me?! You’re seriously going to act like that?!”
“Act like what Cali?”  I said quickly. 
“You’re being such an ass! I leave Australia and you’re the one who’s mad at me? You’re the one who said if you knew about my past with Luke you probably wouldn’t even be with me!”
“Cali-,”  I wanted to clarify for her that that was a mistake and I didn’t mean it but she stopped me. 
“No! Harry stop talking for like five seconds and let me speak!  I’m so done with your shit! The way you treat me lately, the way you act when we do speak and some of the things you say – they’re hurtful! They’re bullshit because you have nothing to even be upset about! You get grumpy when you’re on tour, and you pick on all the other guys because of it. But when the shit hits the fan and they get mad at you finally, you take it out on me! What the fuck did I even do?! Oh right, NOTHING!”
“Cali li-,”  I could tell I had upset her. 
“You remember when you made that video journal for me? Right before tour?”
“DO YOU REMEMBER?” She screamed.
“Yes,” I said softly. 
“You said on that video that you would be lost without me, that you wouldn’t know what to do if you lost me. Remember that?”
“Yeah… I-,”  She wouldn’t let me talk. 
“Well you better find a map, because you’re going to lose me pretty soon like this.”
“W-What Cali… I-,”  I felt the panic rush through me.  The last thing I wanted was to lose her.  I loved her more than anything in the world.  I was being stupid.  I needed to let this Luke thing go.  It was just hard to look at him knowing he had had something that meant so much to me. 
“Fuck just… Just leave me alone Harry,” She said and the line went dead.  I had really fucked this all up.  I pushed my hand through my hair. 
“FUCK!”  I yelled loudly throwing my phone on the bed.  What a big mess.  All I wanted to do was hit something.  Or someone.  Honestly right now it didn’t even matter.  Why do I have to ruin everything that I care about.  I talk about her insecurities but here I am being majorly insecure about something that doesn’t even matter right now.  She could have had him but she chose not to.  I should just call her back.  I should just apologize.  But I know Cali.  She wouldn’t want to hear it right now.  So I decided to just go take a shower and clear my head. 

When I got out of the shower I could hear Zayn on the phone.  I knew just by his tone alone that is was Perrie.  Great.  Happy couple bullshit.  I wrapped my towel around my waist and walked into the room.  Naturally they were being all cute and adorable and it made me sick. 
“Hey Per, how you doing?  It’s been like 3 hours since I called you.  I know Zayn how am I supposed to deal with my life without you.”  I mimicked them.  True it was childish but honestly I was over this shit.  Zayn smiled over at me and held his finger up to his mouth.
“Oh I’m sorry am I being loud.”  I said rolling my eyes and walking over to my suitcase.  “Oh Zayn your so hot.  Perrie babe you have to make sure to call me at least 15 times a day.”
“Shut up Harry.”  I could tell he was annoyed.  But that is kind of what I wanted.  I couldn’t fight with Cali, maybe I can’t get my release from Zayn. 
“Yea Zayn I do have to call you otherwise you might forget where your dick is.”  I said in a girl voice loudly. 
“I’ll call you back.”  Zayn said loudly.  I couldn’t help but smile.  Finally.  “You better watch yourself Harry.  I’m getting tired of your bullshit!”  He roared.
“What was I to accurate?”  I smirked.
“You have turned into such a fucking asshole lately!”
“You’ve turned into such a whipped little bitch.”  I yelled.  I could see that he was balling his fist.  “What you want to hit me?  Do it!”  I yelled.
He shook his head looking at me.  “You know what.  This has nothing to do with me.  You’re just pissed off about something with you and Cali. I’m done being your whipping boy because you can’t handle your relationship.”  He turned and grabbed his back.  “Im going to go stay with Liam.  You can be miserable alone for all I care.”  And he walked out. 
I fell onto the bed.  I was exhausted.  Being pissed off all the time was exhausting.  I sat up pulling my boxer briefs on before falling back again.  Screw it.  I’m done with today!  I’m going to sleep and Ill start out new tomorrow. 

I was jolted awake to rapid knocking on my door.  I glanced over at the clock that illuminated my dark room.  4:45.  Who in the hell would be knocking on my door at 4:45?  I mean I’ve had fans that found us but they never showed up at this time.  I crawled off the bed and walked over to the door.  The knocking was still happening and I found myself becoming annoying. 
“This better be good!”  I yelled flinging the door open.  Niall stood there his hand still up from knocking.  He was white as a ghost.  And he looked like he had been crying. 
“I….I need you….We need to go.”  He said in a panic.
“What are you doing?  Its almost 5 am.  We aren’t supposed to leave until 7:30.  Go back to bed.”  I said starting to close the door.  He slammed his hand against it.
“Harry!  We have to go!”  He practically screamed.
“Ok what is wrong with you?”  I said starting to feel scared.  I have never seen him like this. 
“Its…Its Lucy…And Cali.”
Cali…  Something was wrong. 
“What?”  I said looking at him.  He stood sort of staring at me but tears began to spill out of his eyes.  I grabbed his shoulders and shook him hard.  “What is it?”  I yelled.
Liam must have heard us because his door opened and he came walking towards us.
“Guys you know what time it is?”
“Something is wrong.”  I said frantically to Liam.
“What is it?”  Liam asked looking over at Niall.  Niall was sobbing at this point.
“Niall what is it!”  Liam asked.
“Cali…Lucy….Car…Hospital.”  He choked out.
“Oh my God.”  Liam said.  It was still sinking in for me. 
“Is she ok?”  I said flatly.  I could feel a huge pit forming in my stomach. 
“What the fuck do you mean you don’t know?”  I said shaking him.  I could feel the tears filling my eyes.
“Easy Harry!”  Liam said grabbing my left arm to get me to stop shaking him.
Niall began to get it back together.  He was never one to break down but this situation was obviously different than anything he had ever been through.  And that terrified me.  If he couldn’t handle it how could I. 
“Cali ran a red light….And they were hit by a delivery truck.”  He said sniffing a bit. 
“What?”  I said.  It took me a second to realize I had fallen.  I was on my knees in my doorway. 
“I’m going to get Paul.”  Liam said running down the hall.  Niall squatted in front of me.
“That is all I know.  That is all they will tell me.  They need me to come home.  I need you to come with me.”
“What?”  It’s the only word I could form.  I thought about our last conversation.  We were both so nasty.  What if that was it?  What if I never get another chance to tell her I love her more than life itself.  My chest began to ache and I put my hand on it. 
“She would want you to come.”
“Is she…is she dead?”  I said looking up from the ground.  I could make out Niall’s form through the tears. 
“Harry I don’t know.  Please don’t say that.”
“Niall I can’t lose her…She…She is my everything.”
“Harry stop please.”  I could hear him begin to cry again.  Suddenly everything went into a blur.  Paul and Liam came and Paul was booking us a flight back to London.  Liam put his arms around us trying to calm us down.  Eventually the other guys showed up and started trying to calm us down.  I was sort of just a shell of myself.  I couldn’t think about anything but her.  Why did I have to be so hateful the last time we spoke?  Was this it?  What would I do without her?  I can’t see my life without her.  The thought of being without her makes me want to die.  I realized I was crying again.  Wailing.  Screaming.  How am I going to do this?  How am I going to go one without her?  How am I ever going to forgive myself for the way I acted?
Niall and I were rushed to the airport.  I couldn’t think of it.  If I thought about it I couldn’t breathe.  She has to be ok.  If she not…I will hate myself for the rest of my life for not telling her I loved her more than anything in this whole world.   Niall had turned into a zombie.  He didn’t even look like himself.  He was pale and emotionless.  I mean I get it.  This wasn’t just his girlfriend.  It was his girlfriend and his sister.  If it was  Gemma and Cali….I can’t even think about it.  I don’t want to.  I wanted to be there for him.  But I was totally shut down.  I could barely breathe let alone comfort him. 
7 hours.  We had to wait 7 hours before we got to London.  7 long excruciating hours of us thinking of every possible way this could be horribly bad or horribly good.  It was 7 hours of false hopes and ideas of tragedy.  7 hours of us picturing them.  And us not being there when they need us most.  7 hours of torture.  And 7 hours of complete silence between us. 
When we landed we hurried through the airport.  The press must have found out because there were a sea of them waiting for us.  Screaming questions. Questions that we had no answers to.  If anything they probably knew more than us.  We got to our car and climbed, the driver rushing us quickly away towards the hospital.  To our fate.  I just sort of stared out the window.  This was it.  Nothing stood between us but a few miles.  I had never dreaded seeing her more in my life.  I felt my chest tighten.  I couldn’t breathe.  I felt tears begin to fall.  I had shut myself down this whole trip and now I was about to lose it.  I couldn’t handle this.  I can’t handle losing her.  I began to cry.

“I can’t do this Niall.”
“We have to.  You think I want to do this.”  I looked over at him.  He looked angry.
“Niall she is my sister.  And Lucy is my girlfriend.  You don’t get it.”
“I don’t get it.  Harry she is the love of my life.”
“And Lucy isn’t mine?”  He said.  Color finally returning to he cheeks.  He was getting angry.
“Stop thinking this just affects you!  Lucy is my friend.  And Cali..”  I said breaking down.
“We are here.”  The driver said.  I wiped my eyes. 
The hospital was surrounded with people and press.  Everyone knew they were here.  We rushed in quickly avoiding their shouts. 

“6th floor.  The nurse said the 6th floor.”  Niall said walking quickly to the elevator.  He was determined.  Frantic.  I could feel tears fall occasionally but I was trying to stay composed since we were in public.  Once we climbed onto the elevator Niall was bouncing on his toes.  He couldn’t get there fast enough. I wanted to get there too but I couldn’t see her.  If she was gone I wouldn’t want to leave her.  If she was alive…I wouldn’t let them make me leave her.  No matter what she wouldn’t be alone.  I wasn’t there for her when it happened but I’d never leave her again.  I made that promise to myself.  And once I knew how she was I would make it to her. 
The doors flung out and we walked quickly to the nurse’s desk. 

“Calista Horan and Lucy Marks.”  Niall said running up to the first nurse he saw. 
“Sir you are going to have to wait-“
“No I am not waiting.  You wouldn’t tell me anything over the phone.  My sister and my girlfriend.  I need to know where the fuck they are.”
“Please don’t cuss at me sir.”
“Please ma’am.”  I said softly.  She looked at me sympathetically.
“Let me see if I can find the doctor ok.  Please go sit in the waiting area.”  She said pointing to a glassed off room in the corner of the ward.  We nodded and walked over to the room.  We both sat leaning forward.  I could see Niall was on his toes and his knees were bouncing.  He was biting on her fingernails.  I was hoping for the best but preparing form the worst.  I mean Cali was in her car.  Her small little car went up against a delivery truck… All I could do was think about Cali; and all I could do was plead and pray to God.

God if you let me keep her I promise I will spend the rest of my life making sure she is the happiest person in the world.  God if you let her stay I promise I will make sure she knows she is loved totally and completely for the rest of my life.  God…Please.

“Mr. Horan.”  A man said walking into the room.  We both jumped up.  The man looked at both of us before we realized he was wondering to who he would be speaking to.
“Oh sorry.  I’m Niall.  Horan..  I’m Niall Horan.”  Niall stuttered out. 
“Ok sir.  I am afraid I don’t have great news for you today.”  The man said looking down at his hands.  She’s dead.  It flashed through me.  I felt my heart sink.  This was it.  I had lost her forever.
“Your sister…  She sustained very bad injuries in the accident.  The truck hit on her side of the car.  We had to do surgery on her but she had a lot of bleeding.  She also had a small brain bleed.  She…We had to put her in a medically induced coma.  We need to ensure no movement until we finish with her surgeries. “
“Is she going to be ok?”  I spat out.
“Well I can’t promise you anything right now.  She isn’t out of the dark yet.  It’s still up in the air.  But she is a fighter and things are looking ok at the moment.”
“Can I see her?”  Niall said.  He began to cry.  I just stood staring at the floor.  The word Coma flashing through my head.  She is in a coma.  She might never wake up.
“yes you can.  You’re her friend has been with her all day.  She insisted on staying with her. “
The doctor nodded and turned walking towards the door.  I stood frozen.  I didn’t know what to do.  Niall followed behind him but saw me still standing in the room.
“Come on!”  He said his eyes wide.
“I..”  He ran back over grabbing my hand.
“She needs you.  You need to be there for her.”  He said pulling me towards the room.







Luke’s hair game is weak as hell in the first picture




Liam Payne or Koala Bear?

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The world may never know

Niall’s hair tho taylormichele1622